Rejected For a Job I Was Perfect For
Job rejection is a difficult experience that most of us have faced at some point in our careers. Even the most successful people have been rejected for jobs. Rejection can leave us feeling disappointed, frustrated, and even questioning our own abilities. But what happens when we believe we were perfect for a job and still receive a rejection? It can be a particularly tough blow to our self-esteem and confidence.
In this article, I’ll share my personal experience of being rejected for a job that I felt was perfect for my skills and experience. I’ll talk about my initial reaction, the process of reflection that followed, and the lessons I learned that helped me move forward.
If you’ve ever been turned down for a job you were sure you were perfect for, this article is for you.
Dealing With the Initial Feelings of Being Rejected For a Job
Rejection hurts in any situation. But when we are rejected for a job we thought we were perfect for, it can hurt more. It’s like being rejected by a group of people who you thought were your friends. It hurts more because our expectations don’t align with the outcome.
It’s really important to deal with rejection properly so it doesn’t lead to entitlement or resignation. Entitlement is when we feel that we deserve certain things, no matter the reality of the situation. Resignation is the other extreme where we avoid situations where we could be rejected. In a job search, both extremes have severe consequences on our lives.
I have been rejected for a couple of jobs that I thought I was perfect for and I didn’t always handle them well. In one instance it lead to false beliefs about myself and impacted my self-esteem. In another instance, it led to me screening myself out of roles that I probably should have applied for because I was afraid to be rejected again.
Here are some strategies I’ve learned to deal with job rejection, especially those jobs you thought you should have obtained a job offer for.
Acknowledge the pain and grieve
Job rejection is the loss of an opportunity you had hoped to have. It’s not uncommon to want to put it all behind you and pretend it didn’t happen. I know I wanted to avoid feeling embarrassed that I had somehow messed it up.
Grieving involves being ok with unwanted feelings. It’s not about denying them or suppressing them. Have a good cry if you need to. Write about it in a private journal. Hit the gym. Vent to a friend over a cup of coffee. Whatever feels right for you, do it. You could be grieving for a few hours, it could be a few days. But you have to work through those unwanted feelings.
Acknowledge that it’s not your fault
We all want closure and that involves knowing the reason why we were rejected. Unfortunately, it is rare in today’s litigious society for employers to give feedback or reasons about why you were rejected for a job you thought you were perfect for. Being on the hiring side of the table and working with hundreds of companies and countless hiring managers, I can tell you that there aren’t always clear reasons for why you were rejected. Sometimes hiring managers can’t articulate a reason that even makes sense. Maybe the other guy gave them a better feeling.
The problem with this lack of closure is it doesn’t quench our thirst for answers. And what do most of us do when we have unanswered questions? We usually start to blame ourselves and assume that we did something wrong. The truth is even the smartest, most accomplished, and most likable people get turned down for jobs all the time.
I’m not telling you to ignore your behaviors or to avoid reflection, but that doesn’t mean you were rejected because of something you did wrong.
When my team does interview coaching, we don’t teach people how to say everything right so they can get a job. We teach people how to articulate the best version of themselves so they can land job offers from people who value the best version of themselves. It makes no sense to try and mask or change who you are to land a job offer. Sometimes it just isn’t a fit and that’s not because there is anything wrong with you.
Acknowledge mistakes as steps toward success
Focus on solutions and what you can learn from your experience. Avoid all-or-nothing thinking. Although rejection is not your fault, reflect on the things that are in your control and work to improve them. There is no such thing as a perfect resume, perfect interview, perfect job, or perfect candidate. Perfection is not the goal. Improvement, resiliency, and growth are the goal. Take a moment and critically think through what you could have changed and come up with a plan for personal growth.
Put yourself back out there
People who experience the most success in life often fail the most. Get used to rejection. It will help you grow as a person. Rejection is normal and it is often necessary for success, so don’t take it personally. You have to keep putting yourself out there. By doing so, you’ll continue to grow, learn, and become the best version of yourself. Build a support group around you to cushion the blow of rejection. But most importantly, keep moving forward. Forward movement will help you deal with the feelings that come with being rejected for a job you were perfect for.
How Job Rejection Helps Us Find Success
It’s much easier to talk about job rejection than it is to experience it, but rejection can help us find success. And this is a topic worth discussing. Here are seven ways rejection can help you achieve job search success.
Rejection keeps us humble
Without rejection, we would all be more entitled. When we experience rejection it reminds us that we’re not owed anything. Everything we value, we have to work hard for. No one is worth more than another person and rejection has a way of reminding us of this simple truth.
Rejection helps us relate to others
Being rejected not only humbles us but gives us empathy for other people who are job searching. After we obtain our next job, the pain of rejection stays with us and it helps us connect with other people. We see people as humans and not simply another number in the ATS. Being rejected for jobs can build our emotional intelligence and make us feel more human again.
Rejection motivates us
Handled appropriately, rejection can be the fuel we need to press forward. It motivates us to become a better person. It motivates us to analytically examine how we are writing our resumes, the activities we are performing in our job search, and how we are communicating our unique value to others. We become better communicators, better writers, and better students of our crafts because of rejection.
Rejection opens up new doors
For the vast majority of us, we tend to job search for jobs that are similar to the ones we’ve done in the past. It’s what we know and what we feel safe doing. Rejection can cause us to take a step back and reevaluate our options. When the recruiting market turned in 2020, I experiences more rejection than ever before. Clients said no to hiring requests and this caused me to reevaluate my experiences to find new opportunities. Those rejections led me to start Optim Careers and write the article you’re reading now.
Rejection gives us a new perspective
Without rejection, we would be less inclined to look at things from new angles. It’s easy to have tunnel vision in life after you obtain enough experience. Rejection can be the thing we need to start looking at situations differently. It helps us critically think about how we are job searching and how we are using the tools available to us.
Rejection builds grit
When salmon swim upstream to get to their nesting grounds, the successful fish aren’t smarter or stronger than the others. The successful fish never stop trying. They have grit. Rejection builds character and it builds the type of resiliency we need to become successful.
Rejection changes behaviors
I studied anthropology in college. In hunter-gather societies, rejection serves as a way to change behaviors. If you were rejected, or cast out of the group, you wouldn’t survive. It forced people to change their social behaviors. Although you may not experience such severe consequences as hunter-gatherers, rejection still serves as a catalyst to change behavior. Perhaps you’re not communicating appropriately. Perhaps your actions don’t line up with your words and you’re unaware of it. Rejection has a way of helping you uncover these things and motivates people to seek out expert guidance when they need it.
Identify Areas of Improvement After Being Rejected for a Job
Some things are out of your control and being rejected for a job is not your fault. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t channel the pain of rejection into something that makes you better. Here are some ways to identify areas of improvement for your job search.
Stage of Rejection Can Give You Insights Into Opportunities
It’s important to examine what stage in the process you were rejected. Did you obtain an initial interview? If not, it may make sense to reevaluate your job search plan, job targets, and resume.
If you made it to the initial phone screen, but didn’t move forward, take a look at your resume and interview preparation. If there was a disconnect between what the interviewer saw on your resume and what you communicated during the phone screen, make sure your messaging is in alignment.
If you continue to make it to the final rounds of interviewing and fail to obtain a job offer, you may be struggling with getting buy in from multiple stakeholders and tailoring your message to speak to each stakeholders unique challenges.
Remember that all of these are areas of opportunity to improve your written and oral communication abilities. They are not necessarily something you’ve done wrong, but rather an area for you to focus on to continue growing as a professional.
Evaluating Your Job Search Plan
If you didn’t get an interview, it doesn’t mean that your resume is the problem. There’s a good chance that it is your resume, but your plan could also be affecting your strategy. Take a good look at what jobs you are applying for. Do you have experience doing the tasks it requires? Do you have experience solving the problems that need to be solved? Do you have experience in this industry?
Keep in mind that experience doesn’t have to be on-the-job experience. I once had a client who worked in technology. He wanted to pivot into Web 3.0. For a year, he ran two Web 3.0 projects for free so that he could build experience. He encountered the problems his dream job would encounter. He solved those problems. And he had the experience to write about on his resume. When I wrote his resume, we broke out two “job experience” sections. One section was for his traditional sales experience and the other was Web 3.0 experience.
You can want a job more than anything else, but if you can’t don’t have the experience to back up your qualifications, no resume will work for you. You have a job search plan.
Evaluating Your Resume
If you were rejected at the beginning of the process, here are a couple of things to keep in mind.
First, it may have nothing to do with you. I wish I could say otherwise, but resume farming is a very common practice in recruiting. Many jobs are advertised, but there is a low priority to fill them. This often occurs when recruiters know an opening is coming down the pipeline, but are unsure of when the hiring manager will want to actively interview candidates. What happens is that the recruiter starts building a pipeline of candidates so they can be ready to present candidates to the hiring manager when asked. In this situation, your resume may have nothing to do with your rejection.
Let’s assume that the role is being actively recruited for and you were rejected before a phone screen. Here are a couple of ways you could find opportunities to improve your resume:
Read the job description and ask yourself, if I saw this resume based on this job posting, would I want to talk to this person?
When you read your resume, does it feel unique? Or could this be anyone’s resume?
Is your resume simple enough that everyone can understand it? Give it to a stranger who doesn’t know what you do. Can they tell you what job you do and why they would be interested in talking to you? Can they do that in less than 30 seconds of looking at your resume?
Use the Optim Resume Blog to learn more about effective resumes.
Work with us to write your resume or enroll in a resume workshop.
Evaluating Your Job Search Strategy
If you’re being rejected before you get to an interview, you could also take a look at the activities you are doing to generate those interviews. Keep track of where you find the best opportunities. How did you find them? Look for trends. Do they all come from the same job board? Are they all from a particular version of your resume? Or perhaps the interviews you have been getting come from referrals.
Many people think that they write a resume, send it out into the world, and jobs start coming in. That’s like me thinking if I just write things, people will read them. Neither is true. This isn’t the Field of Dreams and if you build it, they won’t necessarily come.
Some activities will produce results, some won’t. The key is to do more of what works. It’s also important to know what worked for Joe over in HR may not work for you. Leverage your strengths and do activities that you are naturally good at. If you’re great at copywriting, send more resumes and send more emails. If you’re great with people on the fly, make some cold calls. Do more of what produces results and the only way you’ll know that is to track them.
Evaluating Your Interview
If you make it to the first or final interview, but you’re not receiving job offers or moving forward, it may be time to reflect on your interview skills. Interviewing isn’t about memorizing a bunch of answers to some tests. It’s about knowing yourself intimately, understanding how you can add value to an employer, and articulating that in the best way possible. It’s an exercise in communication.
Write down the questions that you were asked in some of your most recent interviews. Record yourself answering them and objectively ask yourself, “Would I hire this person.” Do you wow yourself?
Pay attention to your words. Words have meaning and often times we say things that place the wrong idea in the hiring manager’s mind. Those ideas then lead to concerns that were caused by our word choices.
Reflect on how much you were talking and how much the interviewer was talking. Was it close to a 50/50 split? Did you answer questions concisely or did you require the other person to burn too many brain calories and start tuning out?
How much of the interview used language that was future tense? The more the conversation moves into the present and future is usually an indication that things are going well. If you’re still getting questions about what you did in the past or where you went to school, that’s not usually a good sign.
If you need help evaluating opportunities to improve your interview skills, use the Optim Interview Blog, the Optim Interview Guide, or work with an Interview Coach.
What to Do After You’ve Been Rejected for a Job
After you’ve dealt with the initial feelings and come to terms that rejection is not a reflection of your personal worth, here are some steps to move forward.
Step 1: Ask the Employer for a Referral
I never ask for feedback. Most of the time you won’t get it and most of the feedback you receive doesn’t really help. Instead, ask for a referral. This is especially important if you were rejected at a later stage in the hiring process. Ask the person you met with if there are any other positions they know of that would be a better fit for you. You could say something like this:
It was a pleasure getting to know you and the team through the interview process. I understand that we’re not the right fit for one another at the moment. Do you know anyone else who may be hiring where my skills may be more of a fit?
It’s that easy. You’d be surprised how many might redirect you to another recruiter or another manager for a different role. But they won’t if you don’t ask.
Step 2: Reflect
Take a minute to do an honest reflection on any areas where you could improve. Focus on solutions, not mistakes. Evaluate your job search targets, resume, and interview skills. Always keep improving to become the best version of yourself. Remember, you’re not trying to change yourself to fit someone else’s vision. You’re trying to become the best you possible.
Step 3: Make Changes
I like to think of it like this. What should I stop doing? What should I start doing? What should I keep doing? As you reflect, answer these three questions and implement the changes.
Step 4: Become Resilient
Rejection breeds success. Be resilient in your pursuit of rewarding work. Continue job searching. Get better each day.
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